


Maniaphobia

by digimaniac33



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 00:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/digimaniac33/pseuds/digimaniac33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An account of Rose's time during the doomed timeline. Promptbound fill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maniaphobia

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for this prompt: tehstripe asked: Rose, gen, maniaphobia; fear of insanity (http://promptbound.tumblr.com/day/2012/12/16/)

After an enigmatic comment from Jade (par for the course, really), Rose prepared herself for a nap that would hopefully allow her to "awaken her dreamself", whatever that really meant.

She lay in her scarf pile for a long time, but sleep never came. _I suppose it couldn't possibly be that simple_ , Rose thought as she rose from the pile, checking her computer for messages. Her earlier conversation with Jade was still open, but there was nothing new - her non-nap had lasted about an hour. Jade and Dave were probably still working on getting him into the Medium. Rose scrolled through John's house, but she didn't see him. _Perhaps he's returned to the surface_ , she thought, _since his house should be tall enough_. Nannasprite was nowhere to be seen, as well, which was odd. _She's probably with John_. Rose built John's house higher as she considered her options. Her mother was gone, and the imps around her house were easy to fight now. Perhaps she could look for sidequests around her house, or maybe Dave had finally reached her first gate. Jade must be a great server player, if Dave had the time to work on her house, while getting himself in, as well.

Lucky bastard.

She fiddled about with John's house until a message from Dave popped up.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: rose  
TG: rose are you there  
TG: goddammit rose this is the wrong fucking time to be afk  
TG: you better be there or i will fucking  
TG: just  
TG: shit  
TG: you just better be there okay  
TT: Such vehemence! I wasn't aware you would feel such anxiety after such a short period of separation.  
TG: no  
TG: stop typing whatever freudian psychofakery youre gonna sling at me and listen  
TG: have you talked to john  
TT: Not recently.  
TT: The last I heard from him, he was exploring his planet.  
TT: Why?  
TG: shit  
TG: hes not responding to anything from me or jade  
TG: shit shit shit  
TT: Strider, calm down.  
TT: When's the last time you heard from him?  
TG: bout an hour ago  
TG: he had a rocket pack  
TG: dont ask me where he got it ive got no fucking clue  
TG: and he was gonna fly up to his seventh gate  
TG: thats all i know  
TT: What's through the seventh gate?  
TG: fuck if i know  
TG: ask your sprite hes supposed to be helpful right  
TT: Why not ask yours?  
TG: cuz i fucked up and got the most useless sprite ever  
TG: dont ask just  
TG: find john

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

Pushing down the fear that Dave's words inspired, Rose conducted a more intense search of John's home. The boy himself was nowhere to be found, but she came across Nannasprite in his room, idly sorting his things. Or was it idly? Did she detect a sense of sadness through the screen, as though this was a ritual of final rites for John's soul?

Rose chuckled to herself. _Dave's making me paranoid, now. John is probably just on his planet, actually playing the game as opposed to getting worked up when a friend doesn't respond immediately_. She stood from her computer and went to find Jaspersprite. _No harm in trying to figure out what lies beyond the seventh gate, after all_.

The pink cat-sea princess was idling in the kitchen, surrounded by all the cans of food the kitchen held. "Oh dear," Rose said, "I forgot to help you find the tuna, didn't I?"

"Hi Rose! I found some cans but none of them smell like tuna."

"Cans hold the smell in. I'm afraid you have to be able to read to figure out what's inside. Hold on, I'll find a can opener." Rose rifled through the drawers, found one of the several can openers they owned (another eccentricity of her mother's that she'd never understood), and opened some tuna cans for her dead cat, who immediately scarfed them down. As he ate, Rose ruminated on her mother, the sort of person who would only buy tuna in cans without easy-open tops and kept at least five can openers in her kitchen at all times. Rose had asked about the habit when she was younger and her mother had claimed to have picked it up from a famous explorer she was friends with. Such a ridiculous story had dissuaded her from asking follow-up questions, but she still wondered. Jaspersprite finished the last open can, reminding Rose to ask her spiritual guide for some guidance.

"Jaspers? I want to ask you something about the game."

"Okay but I'm not sure I can answer it. I am just a cat after all."

"Any help you could provide would be useful, Jaspers. Can you tell me what's through the seventh gate?"

"You should travel through all the gates in order, that's the best way for you to grow as a person, Rose! The seventh gate is the last one you will go through and there you will find the Denizen that killed all the fish I think."

"The Denizen?" Rose's heart skipped a beat. "Jaspers, are you sure? Does a player's Denizen always lie beyond their seventh gate?"

"I don't really know about other players or anything, I only know about your quest. Did I help?"

Rose absently scratched behind Jaspersprite's ear. "Yes, Jaspers, I think you helped. Do you want any more tuna?"

"No, I'm not hungry. I think I will go and look at the ocean with the pretty lights again. The ocean is very nice but I think it will be better once it's full of fish again, don't you think so Rose? Meow."

"Yes, Jaspers, you're probably right. Now go on, I have some things to take care of." Jaspersprite floated out of the kitchen, waving his tentacles at Rose. She hurried back to her room, heart in throat. Her computer showed messages from both Dave and Jade, but none from John. Her first order of business was leaving a message for the boy.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--

TT: Hello? John?  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chum! --  
TT: If you get this message, please contact me immediately.  
TT: Also, if you're playing a prank on us, I will personally hunt you down and eviscerate you.  
TT: Because this is not funny.  
TT: Please get back to me.

Message sent, Rose turned her attention to Dave and Jade.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

GG: rose?  
GG: rose???  
GG: rooooooooose?????  
GG: oh please, dont you dare disappear, too!  
GG: we have enough on our plates without hunting you down  
TT: I'm sorry, Jade, I was talking with Jaspers.  
TT: Have you finished your nap?  
GG: yeah, dave told me to wake up because he hadnt heard from john  
GG: have you heard from him?  
TT: I'm afraid not. I left a message for him, but I'm not very confident he'll answer.  
TT: Dave's been trying to contact him for much longer, after all.  
GG: i know :(  
GG: ive left him a lot of messages too, but he hasnt responded to any of them  
GG: im starting to get really worried  
TT: Me, too.  
TT: Jade.  
GG: yes?  
TT: Do you know anything about Denizens?  
GG: um, not really  
GG: sorry  
GG: i think ive heard the term in my dreams before? but i dont really know  
GG: why?  
TT: I think John went to fight his Denizen for some reason.  
GG: what???  
GG: why would he do that!  
TT: How should I know?  
TT: I've been trying to "wake up" for the last hour, since you and Jaspers think it's so important. And once I give up on that useless endeavor, I learn that John's gone without a trace and the rest of us apparently can't function without him!  
TT: It's truly a wonder that we've managed to accomplish anything without John's constant presence! And now he's flown off without any explanation and left the rest of us behind to stew in worry and frustration.  
GG: :(  
GG: rose i know youre scared, but please dont take it out on me  
GG: im scared too  
TT: ...  
TT: I'm sorry, Jade.  
TT: I just  
TT: I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.  
GG: we will figure it out, okay?  
TT: Okay.  
TT: I'm going to talk to Strider.  
GG: okay  
GG: and rose?  
GG: dont stay away from your computer too long  
TT: I won't.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: so you talked to your cat yet  
TG: come on rose with john incommunicado and my sprite a useless piece of fucking trash the least you could do is keep in fucking contact  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: i swear to god i will keep doing this until you respond to me  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: oh jade says youre talking to her now  
TG: i see how it is  
TG: well youve opened a can of worms now  
TG: aint no stopping their wriggling forms  
TG: these worms are getting all over your desk and everything  
TG: they just keep coming  
TG: its like a neverending flow of unrighteous annelida lumbricina spilling over everything you know and love  
TG: youve done it rose  
TG: youve started the wormpocalypse  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: rose elizabeth lalonde  
TT: My middle name is not Elizabeth.  
TG: there you are  
TT: Can't you see me on the viewport?  
TG: oh right  
TG: forgot about that  
TG: whatever youre here now  
TG: so howd the spritetalk go  
TT: Jaspers told me the seventh gate leads to the Denizen of the planet.  
TG: denizen  
TG: shit  
TG: that sounds pretty fucking important  
TT: Indeed. I'm not exactly sure what a Denizen is, but it certainly seems like something we shouldn't be seeking out at our current levels.  
TG: and youre saying john ran right into its arms  
TT: That appears to be the case.  
TG: of course he did  
TG: probably trying to be a big hero or something  
TG: ...  
TG: oh im in the game by the way  
TG: realized i kinda rushed through our last conversation  
TG: so yeah im in  
TT: Good to know.  
TT: Has Jade gotten in?  
TG: john left before doing anything for her  
TG: so no  
TG: but she doesnt see any meteors or anything so weve got some time i think  
TT: ... I see.  
TT: Well, I guess there's not much we can do but wait.  
TT: And hope.  
TG: yeah  
TG: go make a hands-free computer lalonde  
TG: dont want you going off the grid too  
TT: I will.

* * *

Later, Rose sat on the couch with Jaspersprite wrapped around her, her new Hubtopband on her head. Green and red text glowed before her.

 

TG: hes fucking gone  
TG: hes gone and never coming back and its my fault  
TT: It's not your fault, Dave.  
TG: i could have told him not to be a fucking idiot  
TG: i even told him he was gonna fuck it all up  
TG: but i just let him go like a huge chump  
TT: At least you were awake.  
TT: I wasn't even paying attention when he decided to fly off and skip the whole game.  
TG: yeah well talking to him didnt do much good  
TT: I could have done something as his server player, though.  
TT: Perhaps break his rocket pack, or blocked his way somehow until he listened to reason.  
TT: Anything.  
TG: yeah you couldve done that  
TG: but he wouldve figured out some other way to do it if only cuz you wanted him not to  
TT: That's true.  
TT: But I should have tried, at the very least.  
TG: its done now  
TG: hes gone  
TG: and soon jadell be gone too  
TT: Please, Dave.  
TT: Not now.  
TG: yeah okay

 

GG: its really okay, rose!  
GG: i havent seen bec in a while, but im sure hell show up and everything will be fine!  
TT: Do you really think so?  
GG: of course! bec is a good dog, hed never abandon me now!  
GG: i might not be able to play with you and dave, but im sure ill be fine  
GG: so youve gotta promise youll keep going, okay rose?  
GG: this game is really important so you cant stop playing!  
GG: promise?  
TT: ... I promise, Jade.  
GG: good!  
GG: now ive gotta go find bec, so im gonna log off  
GG: dont forget your promise rose!  
TT: Wait!  
TT: Jade, don't go! Please!

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TT: ... She left.  
TG: yeah

Neither of them said anything else. Rose burrowed further into Jaspersprite's embrace and watched her Chumroll. The clock ticked away. When Jade's icon blinked out, Rose buried her face in Jaspersprite's fur and wept.

Later, Rose roused herself from the uneasy nap she'd dropped into, her eyes sore but dry. Jaspersprite was taking his own nap, his arms still curled around Rose's body. Her computer was still perched on her head, but the sight of her friend's name greyed out made her tear it off. Another thought had her donning it again, though.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Dave?  
TT: Are you there?  
TG: never left  
TG: enjoy your nap?  
TT: No.  
TG: thought so  
TG: didnt look like sleep of the angels or whatever  
TG: so now what  
TT: We keep playing.  
TT: That's all we can do.  
TT: Have you built up to my first gate yet?  
TG: yeah i finished that a while ago  
TG: i can get to mine too  
TT: Then let's go.  
TT: We'll keep playing all the way to the end.  
TG: right  
TG: lets do this

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

* * *

Rose went through her first gate, and she found her consorts, and she fought. She learned about her own Denizen, Cetus, and how it had thrown off the turtles' entire way of life. She heard about the Seer of Light, which was obviously supposed to be her, but not anything about what that meant. The word "Seer" brought up images of fortune tellers and crystal balls, but somehow that didn't feel quite right, and "Light" meant nothing at all to her. Jaspers was unfortunately useless, since he was both unable to relay any meaning more complex than "Go, find, grow," and because his sprite programming forced him to be unnecessarily cryptic. As she hunted through her land, Dave sped through his, learning what it meant to be a Knight of Time. One day, as Rose explored a dungeon full of simple puzzles, Dave contacted her.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: rose i can go back  
TG: thats what being a time player means it means i can time travel  
TG: so i can go back and stop john from fucking everything up  
TG: everything can go back the way its supposed to be  
TG: itll work i swear  
TT: Wait, Dave. Slow down.  
TT: You're saying you can travel backwards in time?  
TG: hell yes  
TG: might be able to go forward but i just figured out how this works so i havent tried much out  
TT: So you have no idea what the limits are?  
TG: i mean i dont know for sure but i can feel it  
TG: i know i can save them rose  
TT: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.  
TT: Leaving aside the issue of whether or not this is even possible  
TT: What would you do once you got there?  
TT: Or then, I suppose.  
TG: tell john not to do it  
TT: And if he doesn't listen?  
TG: i  
TG: id tell him to stop harder  
TG: make him listen  
TT: Let's just think about this a little, okay?  
TT: We don't even know how John got the idea to skip straight to his seventh gate. We should at least figure that out.  
TT: And what about after you save them?  
TT: There are so many things we don't understand about this game.  
TT: What if you go back and save him, only to fall prey to the next trap?  
TG: ...  
TT: It would be better if we learned everything we could before you go back.  
TT: That way, you can help them through anything that happens.  
TT: So don't just  
TT: Run off without saying anything  
TT: Okay?  
TG: fine  
TG: well keep going  
TG: well learn everything we can  
TG: and then im going back  
TG: deal?  
TT: Deal.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

Rose took off her computer and sat hard, her legs suddenly shaky. Her heart, which had tried to escape her body during the conversation, calmed down and returned to its customary place, still beating hard. Suddenly she wished for Jaspers, or one of the mutant cats, or even her mother. She needed somebody real to touch, to remind herself that she wasn't alone here, with a phantom red voice that could apparently leave whenever he wanted and return to happier times. But there was no one here, she was alone in a bright and shining world, and so she hugged her knees to her chest and screamed.

Her fit went on for some time, but eventually she had to stand up and keep going. There was a game to win, and she'd promised Jade, after all. But now, beneath all her thoughts of puzzles to solve and consorts to save, there was a ticking clock called Dave's patience hanging over her head.

* * *

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Dave?  
TT: Hello?  
TT: You haven't built up to my next gate yet, and I kind of need that.  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Oh god.

Fear seized Rose's heart. After several weeks of playing, neither of them had been away from a computer this long. If one was going to sleep, they sent a message to the other. There was no message from Dave, though.

TT: Dave please don't be gone.  
TT: Don't leave me here alone.  
TT: Shit!  
TG: fuck sorry i was just shutting my eyes for a few seconds didnt mean to scare you  
TG: havent been sleeping all that great i guess  
TG: what with all the time-traveling and stuff  
TG: and i keep getting these weird dreams  
TT: Oh.  
TT: ... Weird dreams, you say.  
TG: not like that lalonde  
TG: i swear i hear music all the time  
TG: pretty sick beats but not much good for sleeping  
TG: and i keep seeing this purple room that looks just like mine  
TG: its spooky  
TT: A purple room?  
TT: Wait, did I ever tell you about the dreamselves?  
TG: is this another of your psycho-babble terms cuz i dont pay any attention to those  
TT: No, it's a game construct.  
TT: All of us have dreamselves that need to "wake up". I suspect yours might be closer to waking than mine.  
TG: okay sure whatever  
TG: so youre saying when i sleep i also wake up  
TT: Something like that.  
TT: Jade was explaining it to me right before  
TT: ...  
TT: Before.  
TG: oh okay  
TG: guess ill try and take another nap then  
TG: see if i cant wake up the whole way  
TG: catch you when i come back  
TT: All right.  
TT: Good luck.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

Rose sighed and continued on her way through the turtle village she had been resting in. Sitting around would only make her worry, after all. The turtles provided little distraction, though, and she found herself wandering in search of Underlings to kill. Her squeamishness at killing in cold blood had ended weeks ago. Playing the game for just over two months had inured her to the harsher points.

There was a group of imps just over the next hill, sporting pieces of the three sprites. There was also John's body, broken and spilling blood across the white sand of her planet. She'd almost gotten used to the hallucinations now after suffering them for several weeks. Sometimes it was John's body, the face she'd seen through Sburb's interface turned red with blood, and sometimes it was a young girl's body. She'd never really seen Jade, so the body was blurred and indistinct, but it was obviously hers. In any case, the visions came any time she fought with her enemies. She'd worry about it, but that would involve thinking about it, and once she started screaming she would never be able to stop, so she simply leapt forward and stabbed her needles into an imp and began fighting.

After a few fights, Dave messaged her again.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: holy shit rose  
TG: theres this whole other planet filled with these imp-looking guys  
TG: only theyre not imps theyre something else  
TG: whatever ive got a tower with a room at the top and some really sweet music  
TG: youve got a room too  
TG: oh did i mention i can fucking fly  
TG: so yeah dreamselves are really sweet end of story  
TG: rose  
TG: hey  
TT: Are you done?  
TG: oh  
TG: yeah im done  
TT: Did you discover anything besides the ability to fly?  
TG: uh  
TG: dunno  
TG: i think the place is called derse  
TG: there were these huge as fuck letters in the sky and thats what they said  
TT: Letters in the sky? Really?  
TG: swear to god its true  
TG: but yeah thats about it for this time  
TG: next time i go to sleep ill try and find out more  
TT: All right.  
TG: you find out anything while i was gone  
TT: No.  
TT: Just grinded a little.  
TG: cool see you around then

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

* * *

A week later, Dave messaged her that he flew to John's planet in his sleep.  
Of course, he'd woken up just as she went to bed, so by the time Rose was awake again he'd already been in and out of the Denizen's palace.

 

TT: You didn't find that somewhat foolhardy?  
TG: look i didnt fight anything okay  
TG: just snuck in took johns pda and snuck back out  
TG: easy as pie  
TT: Sure it was.  
TT: Well, at least we have his PDA now.  
TT: Was there anything interesting on there?  
TG: oh yes there fucking was  
TG: i finally know who gave him the stupid idea in the first place  
TG: it was one of the trolls  
TG: gallowsCalibrator  
TT: Really? Interesting.  
TG: you know him?  
TT: We spoke once about titles and aspects and hate-friendship.  
TT: Certainly an interesting conversation, if not particularly helpful.  
TT: Though GC did say that was the point.  
TG: right well i know why the idiot ran off now so i think i can convince him to lay off  
TG: so i guess ill be heading back soon  
TT: No!  
TG: cmon rose  
TT: I'm sure there's more information to find.  
TT: Just a little more time.  
TT: It really doesn't matter when you go back, does it?  
TG: guess not  
TT: So we'll keep going and you'll go back in time once we've found everything we can.  
TG: all right  
TG: but i dunno how much longer i can take calsprite and his stupid laughing  
TT: I know, Dave.  
TT: Just a little longer.

* * *

Rose began taking more naps, trying to reach that purple planet in Dave's dreams. Dave finally sent over the screenshots from her room, and she recognized the scrawls as something Jaspers had said to her long ago, but it still made no sense. Perhaps Jade had been wrong, and her frantic scribbles had nothing to do with waking up on Derse.

More likely, though, she was simply avoiding her true subconscious. Having studied psychology, she was a master of dodging every trick her brain could use to ferret out her inner secrets. She kept seeing John and Jade, but she resolutely refused to consider the implications of such visions. Sometimes she thought she saw her mother, too - never wounded or dying, always standing on the next hill over. The first time it happened, Rose had cried out and run towards her, only for her mother's visage to disappear and an imp to get a free hit. She fought furiously to avoid more tears and ignored the mirage whenever it appeared again.

Alcohol helped keep the hallucinations at bay, so she started working through her mother's impressive store. Dave didn't say anything, but she could feel his disapproval when she woke with a hangover and read the pesterlogs passed between them in her drunken state. She could also feel his patience running out. Every day in this time period reminded him that he hadn't saved his friends yet, and it was eating him up inside. His impatience fueled her anxiety and she tried harder and harder to wake up, but booze-fueled naps didn't work, either.

One day, an idea came to her.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Dave.  
TT: I have an idea for waking me up.  
TT: But you're not going to like it.  
TG: big fucking surprise  
TG: whats the plan  
TT: Listen to the whole thing before deciding, okay?  
TG: shit no good plan starts with a line like that  
TT: I know. Still, listen.  
TT: Obviously the normal methods of waking up a dreamself are not working for me.  
TG: if you wanna call your methods normal  
TT: Shush.  
TT: As I was saying, the normal methods don't work. So, we must try something abnormal.  
TT: You can visit my dreamself, right?  
TG: no fucking duh lalonde  
TT: Good.  
TT: I want you to go to my dreamself.  
TT: And I want you to choke her.  
TT: ...  
TT: Strider? You still there?  
TG: holy shit  
TG: youre serious  
TG: that is not a plan lalonde  
TG: that is a fucking death wish  
TG: i am not helping with your crazy absolution or whatevers going on here  
TT: I'm not crazy!  
TT: Dave, this is the surest way to wake me up.  
TT: Please, Dave, you have to do this.  
TG: no way  
TG: there is no way in any hell you can think of that i am choking your dreamself  
TG: that is too fucking risky and also stupid as hell  
TT: Then what do you suggest I do?  
TT: Not all of us are so fortunate as yourself, to have a dreamself awake the entire time. Oh, that we could all be Dave Strider! Ah, what a woeful existence I lead, that I may be so close to perfection and yet never achieve it!  
TG: shut up  
TT: Oh, am I too effusive with my praise? Please, pardon me, oh gracious god among men.  
TG: shut up  
TT: I shudder to think of what the great and powerful Dave Strider will do to me now, since I have evoked his wrath.  
TG: shut up shut up shut up  
TG: fine ill fucking do it  
TG: im going to sleep and im going to your tower and i will choke you awake  
TG: happy

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

Rose stared grimly at his last words. "Sorry," she whispered before making herself comfortable. Dave could arrive any minute now, and she didn't want to drop unconscious in the middle of a fight.

As time wore on, though, her repressed thoughts crept to the top of her mind, reminding her why she kept herself busy or drunk. Concern for her mother, who'd disappeared at the beginning of this foolhardy adventure and never shown up again, battled with her frustration and guilt with concern to Dave, and above all her self-loathing and grief reigned supreme. She was almost glad when John settled down next to her.

"I'm not crazy." Obviously the best way to start a conversation with a figment of one's mind.

John smiled. "Whatever you say, Rose! You're the one with the psychology textbooks."

Rose groaned and buried her head in her knees. "I know you're not real. You're dead, and therefore cannot actually be here. I know that, so I'm not crazy."

"Unless I'm a ghost! Oh, that would be the coolest thing, Rose. I could follow you and Dave around and bang cabinet doors open and scrawl weird messages on the walls. My prankster's gambit would never drop again!" John tried to write in the sand in front of him, but his hand didn't disturb the ground at all. "Aw, guess I'm a non-corporeal ghost. That sucks. Guess all I can do is talk to you. And maybe Dave. Where is he, anyway?" John stood and cupped his hands around his mouth. "Dave! Yoohoo, Dave! Where are you?"

Rose smiled sadly. "I know, and therefore you know, that Dave's not here. He's on his own planet, trying to sleep so he can wake me up on Derse."

John plopped down again. "Oh, okay. That makes sense, I guess. It's pretty boring just sitting around waiting for him, though. Why don't you go find a dungeon or something? I could help you solve some of the puzzles, I bet. I mean, you're a lot smarter than me, but that's not always the best thing for solving stuff. I'd probably see things you'd miss cuz you'd be too caught up in the details of some complicated poem or something. And then you could save me right before I set off a death trap. We'd make a great team!"

Rose ignored the tears welling up in her eyes. "First of all, we've already established that you're non-corporeal, so you wouldn't be able to set off any traps. Secondly, I don't want to be trapped halfway through a dungeon when Dave wakes me up, so I'm going to stay right here until then."

"Oh, fine. Suck all the fun out of this, you fun-sucker." John sprawled out on the ground. "You know, for a life-changing revolutionary video game, there sure is a whole lot of waiting around."

"Maybe that's the point, John! Grandpa always tells me that patience is a virtue, after all." An indistinct female form settled on Rose's other side. Her voice was as nebulous as her body - more felt than truly heard - but the words were all Jade. "I would've thought you got your fill of excitement, though. What, flying a jetpack off to the biggest monster on your planet wasn't enough fun?"

"That was a solo adventure. I'm suggesting a co-op thing here. Completely different."

Jade and John bickered over Rose's head, who'd given up on convincing the hallucinations of their irreality. _That's not even a real word. Maybe I am going crazy_.

Their small quarrel came to a conclusion, and Jade's form turned to Rose. "So how's the game going for you and Dave, Rose? I know it's gotta suck not having me or John around, but you've still been playing, right?"

"They've been here a few months, Jade. What else are they going to do?"

"Shut up John, I'm talking to Rose now." The form moved closer and peered in Rose's face. "Well? If you've been here for months, you've gotta have some great stories by now!"

Rose couldn't speak. Her throat was clogged up and refused to work properly. Even breathing was becoming more difficult. It felt like a weight was squeezing her throat shut. It took some time for her to notice the sensation was not a product of her mind. Her vision swam and black spots danced in her peripheral vision. Dimly, she realized Dave must have finally made it to her tower, and as John and Jade looked on, Rose slowly closed her eyes.

She felt her consciousness slipping away as the pressure on her neck suddenly grew stronger. She fought against the dark curtain of fog forcing her mind down and slowly opened her eyes again. Instead of the colorful sky of LOLAR, her vision filled with a purple room and a boy wearing sunglasses, hands around her throat. She looked at his face for a few moments before his hands loosened and he backed off into the center of the room. Rose wheezed, lungs and throat on fire as the consequences of her ridiculous plan hit her. Once her lungs started working again, she began to cough viciously, further harming her tender throat. A bottle of apple juice was thrust into her vision. She took it and gulped it down as carefully as possible. After the bottle was emptied, she finally took in the other occupant of her room.

"You never mentioned we're nearly identical," Rose rasped.

"Are we? Never noticed." Dave delivered his words in a monotone tempered by his slight Texan accent. He didn't say anything else, so Rose decided to explore her room. It looked like a nearly exact copy of her room on LOLAR, game machines included. The similarities were mostly superficial, though - the books on her bookshelf were all in the same order as in her real house, but flipping through one revealed only blank pages.

"So you're awake. Am I done here?"

Rose turned to Dave and struggled between thanking him and apologizing to him. Eventually she settled for a simple "Yes."

"Fine. I'm gonna wake up and do some more quests, then. Let me know if you get any more brilliant ideas." He gave her an off-hand salute and floated through the window. She watched him float to another tower. At its foot sprawled a large purple metropolis out to the horizon, beyond which a larger celestial body loomed, also covered entirely in buildings. Rose floated out of her room and went to explore. As Dave had said after his first trip to Derse, the planet was filled with creatures that were as dark as the Underlings, but resembled humans more than anything else. They seemed to have a tough outer shell instead of skin. She considered talking to them, but they all recoiled in fear when she floated by them, so she decided to leave well enough alone.

During the course of her explorations, she found a giant chain holding their moon to the planet below. Above? There wasn't enough gravity to say one way or the other. Rose considered exploring the planet as well, but there would be enough time for that later. Such an unusual method of falling asleep was not likely to last that long. She began drifting back towards her tower, which was an easy landmark to find. As she floated, the darkness above seemed to speak to her. She couldn't quite make out the words, but they seemed friendly enough.

She entered her room and laid herself on the ground again, closing her eyes and preparing to wake up to her real self again.

When she woke up, Pesterchum was chiming for her attention.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: hey when you get back let me know  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --  
TT: I'm back.  
TG: cool  
TG: next time you make a suicidal plan like that leave me out of it  
TG: got it  
TT: Understood.  
TG: good

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

* * *

Now that she was awake on Derse, every nap allowed her to explore the planet. She'd soon learned to avoid falling asleep while drunk, since her dreamself would remain drunk, making it more difficult to properly obtain information. She stayed out of the natives' way after her first attempts either led to them running in fear or threatening her with various weapons. Without people to talk to, Derse didn't seem to offer much information.

The real use to her dreamself was listening to the voices from beyond the outer reaches of the Incipisphere. It took her quite some time to understand their words (hampered by her occasional drunken voyages), but once she could interpret their words, they provided veritable treasure troves of advice and information to her. She shared some of the information with Dave,

(TT: When you go back, try and prototype yourself.  
TG: wait thats a thing you can do  
TT: The voices seem to think so.  
TG: right those things  
TG: guess anythings better than this chucklefuck)

but not all of it. She told herself it was because Dave didn't need to know, but truthfully it was because she was afraid he'd think her insane.

That was another reason she spent more and more time asleep - the hallucinations, for whatever reason, didn't follow her to Derse. She spent her time there blessedly alone, without constant reminders of her failure to help her friends. She never felt lonely, though, since she had the songs of the horrorterrors to keep her company.

The day Dave messaged her, determined to finally return to the past and set everything right, a part of her was relieved. She'd been sitting on the edge of her seat ever since he'd found out about his abilities, and now the waiting was finally over. She was still scared, though - scared of being left behind to rot alone in a doomed timeline until it finally faded away or she was killed. She latched onto Dave's final piece of advice as her last hope. When he logged off, she immediately went to sleep.

In her dream room, she waited for something that might never happen. She thought of John and Jade, of her mother, and of Dave. Her final emotion as the world faded around her was joy. Even if she ceased to exist, at least she wouldn't be left alone with reflections of her own mind anymore.


End file.
